Introduction
Living with an autoimmune condition can often feel like carrying an invisible weight — one that’s difficult to explain, hard to predict, and exhausting to endure. Unfortunately, those dealing with chronic illness are also frequently burdened by well-meaning but hurtful or dismissive remarks.
In this blog post, we explore five common phrases people with autoimmune diseases hear — and why these statements can feel invalidating. We’ll also share more helpful ways to support someone managing chronic health challenges.
1. “But You Don’t Look Sick”
Autoimmune diseases like lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis often cause symptoms like joint pain, fatigue, or brain fog — which aren’t outwardly visible. People may dress up, smile, or show up for commitments even when they’re in pain.
This phrase, though often intended as a compliment, can feel dismissive. It overlooks the internal struggles of “invisible illnesses” and may pressure patients to justify their condition.
Try this instead: “You seem like you’re doing your best — is there anything you need today?”
2. “You Just Need to Exercise More”
Physical activity can be helpful in managing autoimmune conditions, but it’s not a cure. When someone is already experiencing severe fatigue, inflammation, or joint stiffness, forcing more exercise can worsen symptoms rather than help.
Many people with autoimmune conditions already incorporate gentle movement or guided physiotherapy. Telling them to “exercise more” implies they’re not trying hard enough — which couldn’t be further from the truth.
Try this instead: “How do you manage your symptoms on hard days? I’d love to understand more.”
3. “At Least It’s Not Cancer”
Comparing illnesses rarely helps. While it may seem like putting things in perspective, this phrase undermines the real struggles of living with a chronic, often lifelong condition that impacts daily life.
Autoimmune diseases come with flare-ups, hospital visits, long-term medication use, and a need for constant self-monitoring. They may not be terminal, but they are often lifelong and life-altering.
Try this instead: “That sounds incredibly tough. How are you coping lately?”
4. “Have You Tried Going Gluten-Free?”
While some autoimmune conditions like celiac disease require strict dietary adjustments, unsolicited health advice — especially based on trends — can be frustrating. It shifts the focus away from the person’s experience to a one-size-fits-all solution.
Diet is just one of many elements in autoimmune management. Any dietary change should be guided by medical advice, not casual suggestions from peers or online sources.
Try this instead: “Is there anything your doctor has recommended that’s helping?”
5. “It’s Probably Just Stress”
Stress can be a trigger for autoimmune flares, but it’s not the root cause. Many people with autoimmune diseases feel blamed when their condition is attributed to stress, as if it’s something they caused or could control better.
This phrase can also discourage people from seeking further medical care or specialist opinions. It downplays the complexity of autoimmune diseases and the need for medical oversight.
Try this instead: “I’m here if you ever need a break or just someone to talk to.”
The Impact of Words
Patients often internalize these remarks, which can impact their mental health. In Singapore, where societal expectations of resilience are high, these phrases may increase the pressure to appear strong and self-reliant even during difficult times.
Healthcare providers, friends, and family members have an opportunity to create a more compassionate dialogue by listening, asking, and acknowledging the individual’s experience. This aligns with Singapore’s broader commitment to patient-centered, respectful care.
Final Thoughts
Words matter. The things we say can either build connection or deepen isolation. Autoimmune conditions are already a challenging journey — let’s not make it harder with phrases that hurt, however unintentionally.
At Aaria Rheumatology, we believe in empowering our patients through empathy, education, and evidence-based care. Let’s choose words that reflect those values — and stand beside our community, one conversation at a time.
